I’m really stressed of how things have turned out today.
The rain was pouring quite hard, very unpleasant for I found myself noticing the end of summer.
An ant was swaying its little feets on the table in my balcony and I took a lighter, about to burn it, saying in my mind: I’m going to fucking kill you.
Before I enjoy burning papers, I love the sensation it brings to the back of my neck, flame abruptly licking every bit of paper and just like that, wreck everything into ash, terrific sight.
I stopped doing this when I found out about people with disorders, who burn houses out of their pleasure in watching fire.
It’s kind of disgusting that awful things cross my mind once in a while when I’m stressed.
I wonder if people do try to torture ants that randomly pass around, or burn papers and sit to watch?

Superficial. Everybody is superficial in a way. I can’t bring myself to sleep. I am very sleepy but there’s so much going on in my brain. Superficial matters. I’d rather sleep. This is superficial.

Amusing how I still find myself experience terrible pain and nausea after all these years caught up in a bloody period once every month. They’re not necessarily fine experiences I must say, during my junior high school in Balikpapan I live with my father, and on my periods he woke up very early in the morning after long days he had at our store, all to help me get ready for school because it was so painful I could hardly prepare my school bag.

See I remember, father once told me that mother cried because she couldn’t be around when I had had my first step and finally started walking, father was working all day and mother was outside town for a month or two due to work and they had left me in my aunt’s house. I guess they felt like they had spoiled such a moment.

I know my mother once felt what I feel, the pain and nausea and all, growing up to be a woman, getting ready for the possibilities of bearing a little man inside her, later choose one thing over another and until this very moment still somehow make things work. I can see this pain and nausea, they are all just the start, the start that every women once overcame, the start of the long way ahead of brats like me.

Ergh, another pointless thought I shared.

Hola! I am back in Manila. The summer heat is adequate and my birthday is coming soon! I am wrapping up some stuff lately, I have my plan B and I’ve got a good feeling about this. My friends are doing great with their stuff but time flies so fast we barely have time to sit back and chill together.

Avenged Sevenfold held a live concert last April 26. My seat was at the Upper Box section, and I managed to take some pictures from my phone camera which are very disappointing, but I’d still upload them anyways. The crowd went one third of Araneta Coliseum and people were all jumping from their respective seats to the empty spaces in front. I guess hard metal doesn’t match Filipino taste so much.